October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence website estimates, on average, nearly 20 people a minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the U.S. In a year, this equates to more than 10 million people. For several years, I was one of them.

This is my story.

My mother had me at the age of 16 and my father disappeared from my life. As a single mother, she tried to raise me the best she could. She married my first step-dad and they had my sister. I found out at a young age that she only married him so that I could have a father in my life. It was a few years later they got divorced.

When my second step-father came in to the picture the domestic abuse started. Living in the Bayou country in Louisiana, most boys were taught they should be in the field working beside their fathers, tending to the farms.

I came from the city and was not used to such work. My step-father thought it would be best to toughen me up. A few knocks to the head or working me to exhaustion in the summer heat was just the start.

I first noticed the abuse first started with my mother. They would fight and he would give her busted lip or black eye. I was still young and didn’t understand what was happening.

The abuse towards my mother went on for a year or two, and that is when the abuse started happening to me. I would work out in the barn with him, building various wood furniture. If I didn’t hold a board correctly, or caused something to slip, I would get beat with the board, or even have the entire wooden swing thrown at me, causing it to break over my back.

I would go back home with bruises under my shirt or pants. I would hide them from my first step dad in fear that my mom would get in trouble for it and our abuser would beat her more.

After some time, I started fighting back. Of course, being 11 against a 30-year-old, I could only do so much. Most of the time I would jump on him while he was beating my mother. I would try to stop the assault. In turn, I was assaulted.

Then one night, my mother was being beat so bad the wall in the house was shaking. I ran in the room and saw he was on top of her, beating her like a rag doll. I jumped on his back and tried to choke him out. I was then lifted by the neck and thrown against the wall.

I don’t remember much after that, but after my mother had seen that, she did not allow me to go back to the house anymore; in fear of my life.

A few months later, my grandparents were given custody of my sister and I. We moved back to Washington State. My grandparents noticed I had a lot of anger issues and would lash out.

I was suspended from school several times during the year for fighting. I was sent me to counseling and put on medicine in my teens. I knew it was something that I had to change inside myself for my future family, or for myself to break the cycle.

When I turned 20 I took one step further and joined the military and became a military cop. Over eight years, I had to respond to many domestic violence calls and even had to deal with my friends who were in domestic violence relationships, either as the abuser or the one abused.

Even though I responded to those events, it wasn’t until I was in Iraq,  when I saw someone I knew die, that I realized how precious life is and how fast it can be taken away. Everyone deserves to have a safe environment to live in without fear of violence from someone they trusted.

If people want to break the cycle of abuse, there is a hop to make that change. Sometimes it only takes a person to listen and tell that person they are not crazy for wanting to get help.

I am one who has made it out of the vicious cycle as a better person. There many who are not as lucky as my mom and I are. My mother now has brain damage due to such violent attacks.

Even though it has been many years since the abuse, I sit here as an adult, tearing up at the thoughts of what transpired.

I wanted to share my story with you, in case you or someone you know is in a domestic violence relationship.My hope is this will touch just one person, so they can see they are not alone while reading this and they can relate to what I went through.

These are several website and phone numbers to get help if you or someone you know needs it.

I hope this can break the silence in at least one person’s life.

www.ncadv.org

Pierce County Sheriff’s Department Domestic Violence Unit: 253 798-6516

Domestic Violence Helpline: www.aplaceofhelp.com 253 798-4155

Tacoma Domestic Violence Advocate: 253 798-4166

National D.V. Hotline: 1 800-799-7233