For what seems like an eternity, Johnny Depp’s career has been a goldmine for enjoyably off-kilter performances. From Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas to Edward Scissorhands, it’s inarguable that Depp is a master of quirkiness. But in his post-Pirates of the Caribbean years, Depp has struggled to recapture the same magic in as his more celebrated performances. His shallow performance in Alice In Wonderland was just the tip of the iceberg, as Depp gave a flat-out boring performance in the notorious bomb “The Tourist” and the less said about “Dark Shadows”, the better. It’s no secret that Depp’s career has been in a nosedive, and with the uncertainty of another Pirate-sized-smash in Depp’s near future, there’s a lot more riding on Mordecai for Depp as it may seem.

The film starts off in a casino with Charlie Mordecai meeting with a gangster named Fang to sell him a valuable vase. Fang takes issue with the last exchange he and Mortedecai had, believing that he was overcharged. A very dull shootout takes place, and Mordecai escapes. Not too long after, we learn Mortedecai is actually in serious debt. Mortedecai heads back home, showing off his fancy new mustache to his wife, (played by Gweyth Paltrow, who does as much as she can) which she is repulsed by. Wackiness occurs, and we’re off to see Mortedecai recover a valuable stolen painting.

If you have seen any of the cringe worthy trailers for Mortedecai, I regret to inform you that is exactly the movie you are getting. The movie is a flat-out misfire. The simplistic plot gets somehow messy through confused film-making. Every actor involved seems to be trying to hard, while not giving their all. The movie jumps from somewhat realistic scenario involving an exaggerated man at the center of it all, to an insane over the top cartoon styled caper. The film exudes the feeling of an ending episode-Saturday Night Live sketch written by first time writers. It’s a messy, long, and mostly laugh-free affair, and brings up familiar feelings of legendary bombs such as “Ishtar” and Hudson “Hawk”.

On paper, Johnny Depp fits the role of Charlie Mortedecai rather well, but soon into the movie, watching him becomes an endurance test. Whatever charm and entertainment value the role can posess, it all goes out the window after the 100th mustache joke or boring event with his manservant, Jock. While Depp seems committed, it’s a shame watching him waste his talents again, especially in a role that seems to suit him so well.

The rest of the cast does what they can to make the film entertaining, but with such a bland script and basic story that gets going way too late into the game to even matter, their efforts are wasted. In the hands of director Wes Anderson, Mortedecai could have been a visually beautiful and wonderfully humorous adventure that could re-ignite Depp’s flailing career. Instead, the movie feels like a painfully bland mish-mash of “The Grand Budapest Hotel” and “Snatch”. Watching Mortedecai will only bring up memories of what Depp once was, and what Depp sadly has settled in to. It is an absolute drag and a new low point in Johnny Depp’s career. Avoid at all costs.