Is a relationship worth saving after someone cheats? After the recent Ashley Madison scandal,

it’s a question many are thinking about. The answer varies from couple to couple depending on the

unique circumstances each relationship is faced with. However these circumstances all have one thing in

common – dishonesty. Relationships are complex and cheating is usually a symptom of a bigger problem

in both the relationship and for the person who is doing the cheating.

The dishonesty is not always just between lovers, but often one party or both are being

dishonest with themselves. Relationships are built on trust and trust is kept with honesty and

communication. If we are being dishonest with ourselves it is impossible to be honest with others.

The three big questions that determine whether a relationship is worth saving are directly linked

to the lies themselves. The first question is: what is the cheater being dishonest about? Not the cheating

itself, but the actual problem. An example would be losing interest in the relationship or maybe the

cheater is thrill seeking or looking for something the relationship lacks that they are afraid to ask for.

Identifying the actual problem leads to the next question: is this a problem that can be fixed in

the relationship? If the problem is something like, “I’m not attracted to my partner” or “I fell in love

with someone else,” this indicates a bigger problem, which is unlikely resolvable and parting ways

makes the most sense. On the other hand if the cheater was honest and said, “I was getting something

else out of cheating that I was afraid to ask my partner for” or “I may have had too much to drink and

made a poor decision,” then the relationship may be salvageable.

If the problem can be fixed or worked out there is a third question: do both parties want to

forgive and work through their problems? It takes two to fix any problem in a relationship. Unless both

parties are willing to forgive and do the work, then there is no point in saving it. Relationships are as

unique as the individuals in them so the answer is always going to be different, but they all need

honesty. Without it, they aren’t worth much.